this is gonna be a suck ass spring break.. working on homework, projects and SAT all week.. and my boyfriend’s going to Hawaii in the morning with his fam and best friend.. sigh.. he’s been rubbing in my face about the weather there.. i am jelly.
I hate history class so much.. I want nothing to do with that subject in the future whatsoever.. Even though history is very important… Sigh.. So glad i’m switching out of that IB class my senior year… This no facebook thing isn’t even helping me anymore TT_____TT
i’m kind of sad that Mona had to take the fall for A and stuff.. like at the end her face and attitude was completely different from the happy Mona that i always saw.. her character changed dramatically within like 10 minutes of the show. even though i read like parts of the book and know some of the other twists that might come up on the show, i still think Aria is A… The tagline for the episode was something like “A will finally be unmasked”, and Aria was the only one to have her mask removed by another person. Also, when Mona was visited by the person in the red coat it made me wonder who has Vivian’s coat now? We know Spencer had it, but did Aria keep it after wearing it…? I don’t know! And Aria was freaking wearing red the wholeeeee episode.. Even her dress was red.. But then again, there was that mysterious character in the background..
there’s so many things going through my head right now and i feel pretty trapped. ok i feel like this is gonna be either a realllllly long rant or a short pointless one lol..
school: since i set my goal into staying instate for college i’ve been slacking so much. like i dont wanna try that hard because i’m already “set” for all the colleges in washington. which is really shallow of me because who knows.. at the last minute, the colleges might not even accept me or even consider looking at me and stuff. i’m even dropping out of IB next year and doing only partial. but at the same time im getting more involved with activities, sports and such.. but yes. im already failing english because i didnt read the last book we did and i already have a C in math because i’ve been focusing on SAT math and omfg i hate dis HAHA. i can’t even say “but at the end i’ll catch up” because i said that last semester and i ended horribly.
church: so i went to a revival last night and i’m not gonna be like “omg it changed my life ~ woooo im godly again.” No like i’ve been a Christian my whole life and I went through that and saw people go through it like every year after a retreat or a mission trip and it sucks. you feel so good for the first month or so, being all spiritually high, and then you just drop rock bottom and pretend like none of it happened. last night just helped me realize that i’ve been making a lot of stupid choices for the most selfish reasons. this week has been really rough on me, and only my boyfriend and a few of my friends know why. i havent prayed in so long but i did, this whole week.. And at the last hour, like literally.. the last hour before my whole life could have changed, my two close friends did the most amazing thing for me and it’s all thanks to God. no joke. the last hour.. before everything could have changed.. He gave me another chance. And I thank Him so much for it.
exercise: so like i’ve been working out like five times a week and been counting my calories cus i seriously need to shape up and get toned TT_____TT i felt like such a lard for the past months.. but it’s been working! lost 2 pounds this week! And my goal is to lose 15 by the end of school, which is in like exactly 3 months! got lots of time :) “my goal is to get fit, healthy and tone, not skinny.”
I noticed that the older I got, the more I secretly looked down upon myself. I remember when I was just entering middle school, I dreamed of going to MIT. Then i wanted to go to Berkeley. Entering high school i changed my mind and set my goal on Brown, Northwestern or Emory. Now that senior year is approaching, I just want to go to either UW or any private school in state. I’m not saying that those schools are bad or anything, but I just lowered my expectations. I worked hard for this long and now I’m making excuses saying that I only want to go in state because of money, and how I don’t want to move and all that bs. Honestly I’m just scared of rejection and disappointing my mom and family. I screwed up last semester, so I really need to step it up. I need to start believing in myself more, because I know that I can do this.
I love running and working out.. Relieves alllllll of my stress and unnecessary thoughts.. but of course of all the days, I get a giant water blister on the bottom of my foot so now I can’t run on it..