Uh yeah, sorry for like not doing this for the past week.. I’ve missed a lot! Anyways.. I did like someone. I thought that he was down to earth, and before everything, he was a friend to me first. He knew how to make me laugh and smile. He knew how to brighten up my day, and we rarely fought. I never doubted him, I trusted him & I believed in him. But everything broke. So currently.. I am doing my own thing & living life. Haha just kidding, that was so cliché. But I am trying to be happy! And honestly, I am.
You. You hurt me and I felt so betrayed. I let my anger, frusrtation and sadness consume me. I was so blinded. I had to remind myself that it WAS a mistake. A messed up mistake, but at the end, it was still a mistake . . And everyone makes those. You were hurt too and I never took that into consideration. I honestly do forgive you, but I won’t let myself fall for that anymore. I can’t. This is for the both of us. I want you to learn from this and discipline yourself. If it’s meant to be, maybe we’ll meet each other again. But for now, lets move on. I want you to be happy, but I want to be happy too.
And then there’s you.. Caught me by complete surprise. I never stopped loving you. You taught me so much and how to stand strong. Even to this day you still look out for me. I hurt you so much.. I’ve been hurting you for three years.. But now, I am so happy to know that you’re happy. You deserve it so much. It’s been two years since we broke up, yet we never had a closure. I’m glad that after all this time, we finally had one. I feel like I can honestly move on now. Officially move on. I’m glad to know that your girl makes you happy. She deserves you too. I love seeing you two happy together. So please.. Stay happy! Thank you for everything that you have done.
I deserve so much better. Do you really think that I’m just going to sit here and degrade myself for something that you did? Stop saying that you’re sorry, because you’re not. You’re only sorry that i FOUND out. I trusted you so much, and you really just pretended like nothing happened. Thanks for hiding something so big from me. I gave up so much things for you. I fought for you. I defended you. I cared about you. For all of the times we were together, and from when you looked me straight in the eyes. I guess those were all lies too then. I can never trust you again. Damage is done. But at the end of the day, I forgive you. I’ll always forgive you. It just won’t ever be the same. Have fun with your life. Please have an ounce of respect for me.
… he saw a couple sitting there. The boy had his hand on the girls upper leg. She was wearing a short jean skirt. The pastor turned to the boy and said “Do you plan on marrying this girl?”…being a teenage boy he said “I don’t know were just dating” and then the pastor said “Then get your hands off another man’s wife.” This has always hit home with me.
Something different happened.. After this retreat, I felt like all of my burdens and stress was lifted off of me. I honestly don’t want this to be just like any other retreat.. Where I’m all high off of God for a good month or two, and then go back to my old habits and customs of the world. I don’t want to be dragged down by Satan anymore.. This retreat was different, because I caught myself. I have many accountable people & I just feel SO happy. I learned to be forgiving and caring. To be thankful and humble. To not be selfish or stingy. I learned. I am now a stronger person. I feel so refreshed. Whatever that comes at me, I’ll take it down with love. I need to stop coming off as hard, harsh and rude. I want to be gentle. I want people to feel like I honestly do care about them, because I do. God is good, all the time.
Satan came at me this summer, and I fell. But the thing that hurt me is that I didn’t get back up. I stayed down. I stayed bitter. I stayed angry and sad. I stayed alone. I made so many mistakes this summer, and I regret a lot of things. I felt so stressed with junior year coming up. I lost so many of my close friends. My family lost a lot of jobs. And I found out that my grandpa got cancer. I felt SO mad. About everything. I felt annoyed and bothered. So I just tried to escape it by doing worldly things. I went partying, got drunk and got addicted to stealing. I didn’t want to go to God anymore. I wanted to quit everything to do with Him. But guess what? God.. GOD. He did NOT give up on me. He slowly drew me back into His life. Why? Because he is SO loving. So this is a big THANK YOU & I LOVE YOU to the BIG MAN UPSTAIRS. My Father.
I also want to thank my LIGHT church family for being so supportive. I want to thank the youngsters praise team for constantly showing me love and care. I want to thank Mark and Jon for being the best praise leaders and never giving up on me. I also want to thank Theo and Tehreem for forgiving me for being such a horrid friend. I am truly blessed.
5 things that irritate you about the opposite sex/same sex:
When guys are super feminine & emotional and when girls think that they’re the “realist” things alive.
When they pretend to not know something and act oblivious to everything. Acting dumb is not cute.
People who think that their swag is off the charts.
When guys act hard and try to fight every other guy in the world, and ESPECIALLY when girls act hard. No. Cussing someone out and calling them out but not doing anything about it after does not make you hard.
When girls have to look good and cute everywhere they go, especially to the gym wearing tons of make up with curled hair. And when guys overdo the “impressing”.
Summer of 2009 - Summer of 2011: Basically my whole entire freshmen and sophomore year. How have I changed.. At first It was downhill, but from second semester of my freshmen year to the end of first semester of my sophomore year, I felt like I was at my highest point. I felt good about myself, and I felt.. Idk. Just good. Like.. I wouldn’t say happy, but content.. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I was truly good to myself. I did what was good for myself. Emotionally. But I pretty much screwed up.. Drama came in. MORE DRAMA. And guess what? More drama. Fighting with friends. Backstabbing, betrayals.. Losing bonds over stupid things. Guys. Wow. And now I’m getting crap for having a good time. So.. back to the question: HOW have I changed.. Well. I became more of myself. My true self, I guess. Overall.. If others knew.. I changed for the worse. Here I come junior year…